it is so quiet in this house today, TOO quiet. carl is away on business and louise is off at daycare. we didn’t take her out when i lost my job because carl didn’t want to. he didn’t want to try to find a new arrangement
if WHEN i find a better different job. plus she likes it, playing with other kids all day is a lot more fun than hanging out with boring old mom every day.
whoever said two (years old) was going to be easy is a liar. probably no one has ever said that, that’s why they call them the terrible twos, right? yesterday we went to the store after daycare, louise refuses to hold my hand or be carried in parking lots (as well as crossing the street). if i try she lays right down in the middle of the parking lot (or street) and throws a temper tantrum. if i pick her up, same thing. it makes for a challenging walk from the car to the store. once in the store, she is no longer content to sit in a cart, not the little seat part or the big part, she insists on walking, or rather, her version of walking. this involves lots of dawdling, picking things up off the shelf, staring at them in amazement, turning them over and over in her hands. if you’ve got a lot of time to spend in the store this is fine, but it is not conducive to running in real quick to pick up one item. anyway, yesterday one of those things went into her mouth (first, ew, she put something on the store shelf in her mouth!) so i had to buy it (at least i felt like i had to). it is a ball like cup with a straw sticking out of it, lucky for me it was only 97 cents.
after the store we headed to the beach, i LOVE taking her to do stuff like this because she loves it so much, but i also hate it. the part where we have to leave is so awful that i’d rather not do it most of the time. she would stay at the park, playground or beach forever if she could, the temper tantrum she throws when it’s time to leave is epic. it’s
totally nearly impossible to get her into her carseat, she does the alligator death roll. and i feel so BAD making her leave, but seriously, an hour at the beach on a tuesday evening is enough. i probably should have left well enough alone. yesterday, when we got home from daycare, before the store or the beach, she was perfectly happy playing with the little tikes lawnmower i just got for her. i should have taken that as a sign, she is happy, leave her be. oh well, she did have fun at the beach while it lasted.
i have tried bribes but she doesn’t really get it yet, getting in the car=ice cream or going pee pee on the potty=cookie (i WISH i could bribe her for potty training, she is SO not interested). i guess these are just days (hopefully not years) you have to get through. it’s not like she’s always naughty or unhappy, in fact, i’d say most of the time she is happy, but for some reason our brains have a way of always remembering the harder times.
i don’t have much news on the marriage front. our next counseling appts are not until next week. we will both be seeing the counselor individually and then going in for an appt together. things have become a little less uncomfortable around the house, carl is still sleeping in the guest bedroom but i don’t feel like i’m walking on eggshells as much. i would really like to start doing more things together as a family. we have also been making an effort to make sure that we spend some time together after louise goes to bed, no cell phones, tv or internet. it’s not usually a huge amount of time, maybe 1/2 an hour, sometimes longer, but i think it’s important and i think it helps.
i had a job interview two weeks ago, i should be hearing something back later this week or early next week, fingers crossed. this job is at a hospital that is about twenty miles away, my old job was less than a mile away, it was SO convenient and i actually really liked my job. still bummed that i don’t have it anymore but i am hopeful for this new opportunity.
i am still taking accutane, i’m into my second month now. the doctor doubled my dose from 30mg a day to 60mg a day. i haven’t been having any terrible side effects EXCEPT my lips. accutane completely dries out your oil glands so it’s not uncommon to have super dry skin, i really haven’t had any problems yet but my lips, they are CONSTANTLY peeling. it is like i shed and grow a new layer of skin there every single day. i know, kind of gross right? as far as results, i haven’t really seen any yet, my chest and back cleared up completely but they weren’t that bad to begin with, it’s my face that i’m concerned with and i’m still getting acne there. i can’t wait to get a couple more months into this so i can finally see it clear up. actually, i can’t wait to be done taking the stuff all together, the monthly doctor’s appts and blood work are kind of pain in the ass, totally worth it if it works though!
i guess that’s all i’ve got today, this post seems kind of somber but things are going fairly well i guess, as good as can be expected considering everything that’s happened recently anyway. i really appreciate all the support i’ve been getting, it helps so much, thank-you to you all. here’s a couple of pictures as a reward for listening to all that dribble