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so far the crib tent has been working swimmingly, there have been no escape attempts that i am aware of and she took her first naps in it yesterday and today.  i am, therefore, very happy with it.  i’m not 100% sure how long it will last, but really, the only way she could get out is if she ripped a hole in the mesh, which a roaming finger could certainly do.  the tent envelops her whole space, the mattress sits inside of it, which is nice because it means she also can’t do things like throw her pacifier or blankie out anymore.  that was one way she figured out she could get us back into her room, by throwing things she needs to sleep with out of her crib.

she is still on an eating strike.  i have no idea what she survives on, milk and watered down juice i guess.  there are a couple of things i can usually count on her eating so we eat a lot of them, well, she does anyway.  she will always eat bacon (who wouldn’t) and most times she will always eat spaghetti.  she would, of course, happily eat candy, cookies and things of that nature, but i really don’t give her things like that.  her dad gave her an m&m yesterday and i wasn’t 100% in love with the idea.  of course, she wanted more once she had one but she didn’t get more and she was PISSED.

she has been a little difficult to deal with lately, whiny and fussy, her will is STRONG.  is it just the terrible two’s or is she getting her two-year molars? i’m not really sure what’s going on but it is no fun.  i look forward to bedtime when we will get a couple of hours of peace and quiet squeezed in.  which brings me to baby #2.

we still haven’t made much progress on deciding whether or not we want another one.  i would love for louise to have a brother or sister close to her own age (her half-sister, riley is 14) but i don’t know if i am prepared to go through all of this again, the lack of sleep, the constant diaper changing, trying to give up pacifiers, potty training, it is an awful lot of work.  work that’s worth it, but work none the less.  in addition to that i am considering the idea of taking a medication that you absolutely cannot get pregnant while taking, or for a year afterwards.  the medication is for acne, so it’s not like it’s life or death if i don’t take it.  i have taken it before and i was quite pleased with the results so i WOULD like to take it again as my acne has really flared up since my hormones all settled down after having louise.  when i was pregnant with her and for a few months after my skin was amazing, no zits anywhere, i was hoping it would stay that way but it didn’t, it is back with a vengeance.  i am constantly getting zits on my jaw line, big ones too, more than one at a time and it doesn’t matter how much i scrub or what i put on the area.  i am really sick of it.  so, i could get pregnant and have fabulous skin for a while that way or i could take this medication.  i haven’t mentioned the idea of taking the medication (it’s called accutane for those of you wondering) to my husband yet, maybe i will talk to him about it tonight and see what he has to say about it.  i’m sure he will encourage me to do whatever he thinks is best but i kind of need his help with this decision, it’s sort of big one since it involves maybe not having another baby in the near future.  and it’s not like we’re young and have plenty of time, we’ll both be 36 this year, in just a few months actually.

we have decided that if we do try for another baby there will be no re this time around.  they did a great job giving us louise, but it’s not like it wasn’t without its price.  the procedures, testing and constant bfn’s are soul shattering.  i can’t do it again.  last march when i had my laparoscopy my endometriosis was at stage I or less and they removed what they could.  based on my mild periods i’m guessing things are still ok in there.  i would be willing to do a couple of monitored clomid cycles with my ob maybe, but i know from past experience that clomid thins out my lining so i don’t know how successful they would be.  plus, with clomid we run the risk of multiples and i don’t think i am prepared for twins… or triplets, AH!!!!! as some of you know, louise started out as twins and ended up as a fabulous singleton.  a fabulous HIGH-ENERGY singleton, can you imagine if she had been twins people??? i am exhausted just thinking about it.  i’m not saying i’m glad we lost one of the twins, because, i’m not, but i do think things turned out the way they were meant to.  we wanted a baby really REALLY bad, and we got one, a really great one, LOVE her.

so that’s what’s rolling around in my brain at the moment.