ultrasound #2

here we are at eight weeks… i think, i’m not exactly sure because they measure things a little differently at dr. hollywood’s office.  i think we are eight weeks exactly today but i’m not 100% sure.  if we were measuring the way that it’s normally done i would be eight weeks on friday, but dr. hollywood said i ovulated a few days earlier than normal and blah blah blah, i don’t know, let’s just call it eight weeks.  in any case, we have one strong heartbeat, baby b didn’t make it, but we’re ok with that, our ultimate goal was to have one baby, and i’m not going to lie, i was a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of two, but really we would have been happy either way.  baby b is still there but has no heartbeat and will probably be absorbed.  dr. hollywood said that it’s yolk sac is a little large which sometimes indicates chromosomal problems.

baby a is measuring spot on at 14.8mm and i could hear it’s heartbeat LOUD and CLEAR today, it’s heart rate was 170 and dr. hollywood said it’s yolk sac is normal sized, phew, breathing some sighs of relief, but i’m sure i’ll be back to nervous wreck soon enough.  with this ultrasound we have officially graduated from reproductive endocrinologist to obgyn, which is exciting.  i called and made my first ob appt, they wanted to schedule me for next week but we are going on vacation and won’t be back until the 19th, so my first ob appt is july 21st.  it’s just the nurse consult but i’m excited to be going back to my ob!

here’s an ultrasound picture, it’s kind of confusing because baby b is still there on the left, but baby a is the one on the right and that’s our survivor! it’s also still pretty blurry and i can’t really make out any baby shape yet, but i feel better knowing that a is still there and going strong.

p.s. i don’t know what’s up with my widgets but they are not working for some reason.  i’ve never had any problems with my ilcw widget but it’s not showing up the way it usually does,  i was also really hoping to put up one of those widgets showing what the baby looks like but it’s not working either, it just shows up as text.  anyone have any ideas?

…

i know i haven’t been posting much and i’m sorry, but i don’t have much to say.  i don’t “feel” pregnant at all, so of course i am totally freaked out that something isn’t right.  my next ultrasound is on wednesday, i’m sure i will have something to report then, just not sure if it will be good or bad.

soooooo

our internet went down yesterday and they’re not coming to fix it until WEDNESDAY!!!! i am trying to get the day off work because if i don’t then no one will be here to let them in and we’ll have to wait until saturday, which is really not an option, you see, in addition to no internet we also have no cable tv or landline.  i couldn’t care less about the landline as i never use it, but if you knew me in real life you would know that telling me i can’t have internet and tv is like telling me i can’t water and air… seriously, just kill me now.  soooooooo, if you don’t hear from me for a few days it’s not cuz i don’t love ya, it’s cuz i gots no internet.  husband just pirated one of the neighbors with his laptop to stop my withdrawls.

baby a and baby b

we finally got a new scanner last night, so i was able to scan the ultrasound pictures.  there’s not much to see yet, but here they are….

i guess they’re the two dark spots in the middle **shrug**?

and here they are solo

baby a

baby b

so, there you have it, hopefully they will both still be there at my next ultrasound appt on the 8th.  the fact that i haven’t had any morning sickness, especially with twins, is really making me nervous, especially since i have read some things that suggest women who don’t have morning sickness are more likely to miscarry.  of course i’ve also read that’s not true and some women who have no morning sickness at all deliver healthy babies, but i still can’t help but be scared shitless.  i’m sorry i haven’t been the best iclwer this month, i’m just very distracted, but i really appreciate all the comments i’ve been getting, thank-you for all the congratulations!

hpts and ultrasounds

well, i’ve had a day to let the news sink in but it still doesn’t seem real.  it seems like we tried FOREVER to get pregnant, i never really thought this day would come, deep down inside i really felt that i would never get pregnant.  it was an upsetting thought because adoption is not a choice that we felt was right for us, at least not right now, so i knew if i couldn’t get pregnant we were going to be childless for a while, possibly forever.

so convinced was i that i was not pregnant, i took a hpt in the bathroom at work on june 10th, to my udder amazement, it was indeed positive.  i sent husband a text message “pregnant.”  he called me back in tears he was so happy.  obviously i was very happy with the news as well, but given my history of infertility and ectopic pregnancy i was totally freaked out as well.  i thought, even if it’s not ectopic, will there be a heartbeat? i had to wait for two weeks to find out, it was the longest two weeks of my life.  last weekend i was having pains on either side and was totally convinced that the pregnancy was ectopic.  finally the day came for my ultrasound, i was so nervous it was crazy.  i had to see my doctor’s partner who i had never met before because my doctor was out of town, he had a med student with him, she was actually the one to give me the ultrasound, and let me tell you, she was not very swift with a dildo cam, she had that thing at angles that should be illegal.  she found the heartbeat, they tried to show it to me but i really couldn’t see it, it was SO tiny.  then she started rooting around trying to find my tubes to make sure there were no pregnancies there, that’s when i found out that i have multiple cysts on my ovaries which probably explains the random pains i was having last weekend.  she moved back to my uterus and showed me the heartbeat again, that’s when the doctor said, so, what you’ve got here is twins.  i was in total shock, my doctor’s office has tons of baby pictures hanging in the hallways, they are mostly singletons with some twins and a few triplets thrown in, i never thought we would be one of the couples with twins, but i am excited about the prospect!

now… most people have their first ultrasound at 12 weeks, i had mine at six, and the thing about that is, it’s so early, anything could happen.  one of the babies could stop growing and be absorbed.  some people get pregnant with twins and don’t even know it because by the time they have their first ultrasound at 12 weeks there is no evidence that there was ever more than one.  i hope they both stick around, but i am trying to prepare myself for all possibilities, including miscarriage.  my next ultrasound is in two weeks on the eighth, i think we’ll have a better idea then, i think if they’re both still there at that point that they will probably both be sticking around, hopefully until they’re done cooking.  i still don’t have any morning sickness, in fact the only real pregnancy symptom that i have is sore boobs that seem to be bigger than normal.

i know that this pregnancy may cause me to lose some readers, it can be very hard to hear that someone besides yourself is pregnant, even when it’s someone you know has struggled with infertility, i hope i don’t lose anyone, but i understand if i do.

the verdict is in

i was so nervous on the drive to the doctor’s office and it only got worse when we go there, i thought i was going to have a heart attack because my heart was beating so fast.  when they led us to the ultrasound room i almost started crying.  i had to see my doctor’s partner who i’ve never met before because my doctor is out of town.  he had a resident with him and she’s actually the one who did the ultrasound, she was CLEARLY new to the experience of finding certain parts.  i guess i should cut to the chase, amber, you were right, two heartbeats, we have twins.

i wish i could say that i am full of joy, but the truth is i am full of fear, i REALLY hope they both stay in there.  i will try and put pictures up later, but i’ve got to be honest with you, there’s not much to see yet, it looks pretty much the same as it did before, they’re still so tiny, only a couple of mm long.

almost here

tomorrow that is.  my ultrasound appt is at 10:30am, if the news is good i’m sure you will be hearing from me by early afternoon with the results.  if the news is not good i have no idea when you’ll be hearing from me.  forgive me if i am not being the best iclwer this month. the stress level is rather high, but i’m trying.  thanks for all the comments, i love it!

welcome iclwers

so nice to have you all back again! i am kate and i just got my bfp on june 10, you can read about how we got to that bfp here.  i have had an ectopic pregnancy in the past so i am extremely worried that this is going to turn out to be an ectopic as well, and since i’m a neurotic infertile i also worry that even if it’s not ectopic there will be no heartbeat or i will miscarry anyways.  my first ultrasound is this coming wednesday, three days and we will know exactly what is going on in there, i am going out of my mind waiting.  at this point i don’t want to talk to anyone and therefore don’t want to leave my house for fear of running into someone i know and being forced to talk to them, because they will probably ask how all the infertility stuff is going and i’ll have to make up some lie.  unfortunately the weekend is almost over and i will be forced back into public tomorrow when i head back to work, lame.  anyhoo, that’s a brief rundown of what’s going on right now, thanks for stopping by!

four days…

i am so freaked out about whether or not this is a viable pregnancy that i don’t even want to go anywhere or talk to anyone.  husband went to help out at some bike race thing and won’t be home until tomorrow, he left at 4:45 this morning.  i did leave to drop off a present for my dad, go to subway and rent some movies, five to be exact, maybe they will help turn my brain off for a while.  i all ready watched the first one, it was called blue powder, talk about depressing, but pretty good.  i keep having random weird little cramps/twinges that are not helping my anxiety level… four more days…

i just read online that you might not have normal pregnancy symptoms, like morning sickness, if you have an ectopic pregnancy, guess who hasn’t been sick at all, that’s right, ME.  google should be fucking outlawed.

soooo, i just watched revolutionary road, WOW, what a heart warmer.  since you can’t hear the sarcasm in my voice i will just tell you that i’m being sarcastic.  way to pick the depressing movies tonight kate.  first it was blue powder with all the death and then revolutionary road with the 1950’s do-it-yourself abortion, i think i’ll go hang myself in the shower now.

6 days

thanks for all the distraction advice, unfortunately husband is not here to help, he travels a lot for work and is currently in pa.  he gets home tomorrow, but then he’s leaving on saturday mrning to help out at some bike race and he won’t be home until sunday.  then of course father’s day is sunday so he will need to spend some time with his daughter.  he’ll be here all next week though, he changed his schedule around so he’d be able to go to the ultrasound with me.  my mom got in last night, she’ll be here until tuesday, maybe she will help distract me.

yesterday my stomach muscles felt tight, like i did some situps or something.  i don’t know if it is a pregnancy thing or just a coincidence.  there was this show on hbo last year, i’ve been waiting and waiting for the second season to start and i just found out it was canceled, LAME.  it was called tell me you love me and it followed a bunch of different people’s lives, there was a couple that was having major infertility issues.  i remember watching it and thinking, oh, we’ll never get that far, surely we’ll be pregnant soon… HA.  anyways, i wish it was still on because now, obviously, i can totally relate to it.  anyways, time to go make mom breakfast, blueberry pancakes with real maple syrup, yum.